I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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