Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
