He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
