still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
