For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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