Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
