brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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