using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Vodka?
Forever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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