My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
