Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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