hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
