I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
