Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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