Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
