sarcasm needs its own font
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
