my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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