I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
