Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
