my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
