but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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