You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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