There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
