That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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