I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
