Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
