if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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