Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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