I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
