Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
