i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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