Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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