Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
