He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
