It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
