I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
