It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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