I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's like heaven, but drunker
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
