How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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