My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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