Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
