Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
