is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
