Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
