I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
