if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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