New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
