Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
