Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
