Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
