It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
