im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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