Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
