it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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