why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
