wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
