what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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