do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
