i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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