loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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