smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
