I am puke
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
