Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
