Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
