Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
