there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
