Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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