I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
