I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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