everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
