she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
