if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
